Resolving Conflict--lessons from my sons

I was raised as an only child, so did not get the lessons in conflict resolution growing up that most people experience with their siblings.   But I have now been witness to it (and sometimes brought in as a facilitator) with my 8 year old and 6 year old sons.  There are a few key lessons that I have learned carry over into resolving workplace conflict:

1. The Best incentive is a larger goal that is more important than whatever is in dispute--I find that if I can bear leaving them alone to battle it out for a bit, they always seem to come to a more permanent resolution to the conflict than if I intervene.   They realize that they are really stuck with each other as playmates for the long term, and that they can spend the time fighting, or enjoying themselves.   Finding that objectives for employees that is more important than whatever differences they may have is always a great motivator.
2. Understanding that people move at different paces--I have one son who will get over a conflict quickly, while the other will definitely brood and remember whatever the issue was for a couple of days.   Getting to know the paces of your employees or colleagues will serve well in the conflict resolution process.   With deadlines and projects, sometimes there may not be the luxury of letting someone resolve things at their usual pace, but at least an awareness of it will prepare you for what you are in for!
3. Realize that it will happen again--Any long term relationship (parent/child, spouse/spouse, co-worker to co-worker, etc.) is bound for conflict....and it will happen again.  That is part of the personal growth process.  The key is that ideally once something is resolved, future conflicts are not about the same thing...that is indicator that it was never truly resolved the first time.

Those are some small but relevant tips about conflict resolution that a 3rd grader and first grader have taught me.

Danny